A Needle in a Haystack

Extra, Extra...

2010-03-17T22:50:00.002-06:00

This blog has been moved. I can't yet delete it because I haven't saved my few stories of my kiddos. Join us at our newest blog--one our family will share. I think it's on my profile, but I'm still new at this, so I don't know. Find us at:
theothersideoffine.blogspot.com.

Tiffany

Pasta at Midnight

2010-02-01T00:08:00.003-06:00

So, I'm here again. It's been some many moons since my last rendezvous with this blog. My children aren't yet 20 years old, but they are getting much closer. It's midnight, sometimes an hour I share much time with and I just ate pasta because that is all I had. And I was hungry. I'm needing to go to sleep...but that doesn't always come easy to me.
And so I sit. And think of all the thoughts I have in my head. And decide, it's time...it's time. It's time to go back to my beloved pen...well, keyboard. My husband recently decided to start blogging for part of his job. He--on more than one occasion--has stolen some of my inner thoughts and put them to pen. And I feel it is time this infringement on my rights stop! Now he has to come up with his own stuff(which he is, good at anyway).
I'm thinking of too much tonight. Too many swirling thoughts. So, I'm just going to say, I'm back. Hoping to share some of life and discover what each day holds. And to share about my sweet, sweet family. And try not to let facebook beat out a good session on the blog--it makes for short broken communication anyway! Besides writing, my new goal is to figure out how to make my blog all pretty...I need help with that!
Until........next..........time...................

Poetry of sorts....

2008-04-24T22:10:00.003-05:00

Some of you may know, not all may remember--that I like to write. I think if speaking were writing--the regular, normal, everyday, every second type of communication--I would feel much more free to be than I do. It's just a more expressive way for me. The walls can come down a bit for others to peek in. I usually enjoy writing stories...but sometimes a poem or two will become my muse. Poetry to me is like abstract art. As the "artist" of the poem, what one writes is very personal and has a specific message, but as others see the "art," it can become different things for different people.

I wrote a poem many years ago that for some reason, has been coming back to mind a lot lately. I hope to seek God's heart earnestly enough to find out why, but I thought I'd leave it on "display" for your own interpretation:

I vow to Thee
patient I will be,
not contesting Thy time for me.
waiting still,
my hand you fill,
with Thine unto eternity.

Shalom.

ZAPITO, my Bandito

2008-04-19T22:12:00.004-05:00

Well, a couple of weeks ago, it finally happened. It was a stormy night. No one was sleeping very well--lots of lightening and rain. And then Zap--all the power went out--including the power on our ill computer who won't turn on once turned off. And this time, no amount of prayer was helping it-we put it to rest. Except my hubby has not been able to transfer any files because he has been gone almost 1/2 the month traveling for various work obligations. Thus, I haven't been able to recover "my favorites" that stores all my favorite blogs. I feel out of the loop! Our newest family member--the computer--to which I unfortunately spend more time with than my kiddos some days, came just a few days ago. He's new and still kind of "naked", but we're learning to work together.

Meanwhile, the rest of us have spent our non-computer time reading what I think is the funniest, crack-me-up, wittest type of books: Skippyjon Jones!!! Amigos, you got to readito because if you don'tito, you won't know what you are missing outito--just read Skippito! That is, if you have kids who can laugh with you and you have a really groovy Spanish accent--you'll need it or you'll just sound like a white gringo trying to sound like you want a Spanish accent.

As soon as I have the ability to get some pictures up--you'll be hearing about(and seeing): my daughter and her play and Max's soccer game. My son and his Peter Pan fighting adventures. My other son and his general goofiness and his many animals.

So....stayed tuned!

We're back from our alien adventure!

2008-01-30T21:23:00.002-06:00

If you've felt like you haven't caught up with our life lately, it's because we haven't caught up with our life lately! Call it laziness, call it business, call it being sick too much, call it being sucked up on an alien adventure--I'm not really sure which wins. But, unless I have a deadline and am right up against it, sometimes it just doesn't get done! It's a good thing we have people over to our house every week so I have to make sure my house is in decent order!!

Here's a synopsis of our past months: new year's came and no one got sick--at least not on new year's--all the kids have seen the doctor more than once, I had the flu once, Kyra had the flu twice, Mark had the flu once, are boys escaped with only fevers and coughs and other fun stuff. The conversations around our house include: "mom, I goed" (potty); "knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Bobo." "Bobo who?''; "We've got the best of both worlds...."; "M-A-X"(you'd think he was part of this family); "Poo Poo and Pee Pee"(with lots of laughter); "Stop whining"; "Mom how bout we cuddle"; "I go to Bobo house sometime-I go Nonna and Grandpa's house sometime"; "Can I have a sheet of paper?"; "go Keagy, go Keagy..."; "Meow, Baaaa, elephant sound(for my son who has multiple animal personalities); "I fight you"; "Mom, be monster and chase us"; "Kleenex"; "Treat please"; "Cuz I do"; "I just being silly"; "Keagan-stop copying me!"

Let's hope I can get this blog thing working and actually post this thing. If I can, I'll try and be back soon!

Oh, the weather outside is delightful.....

2007-12-03T22:21:00.000-06:00

Ok, it's just now starting to get cooler. I haven't blogged for so long because my seasonal clock has been off a bit. But, I checked the calendar today, and it said it was December 3rd. Wow! I've been running outside with shorts and a t-shirt up until a few days ago....and since I haven't ran since then, I can't give an update.

So, beyond keeping all the nasty spiders alive that should be dying off, I'll take it. I don't miss bitter cold. We'll see if I miss snow. The kids have asked for snow a few times, but I told them we could have it at their grandparents house.

We still hang out inside our home too. We've got three creative kids that always find something to do...

He demands It

2007-10-13T23:02:00.000-05:00

My BSF teacher said something this past week that I think is worth consideration.

She said, "Knowing Jesus is King demands a response."

Since hearing that, I've been asking myself some questions(actually, I'm thinking of them as I write, so if I haven't been asking them, I am now) maybe you can ask yourself the same.

I have no stones in my hand here.

There is NO middle ground. None. If you know Jesus is King, then you are constantly responding to Him, one way or the other--He demands it.

Do I really love others well? Not just I say I do but certain things really get to me about that person or I only do because I feel obligated to type of love. I can fake actions, but I can't fake heart. He demands a response.

Do I really what to live out a life for Him? What does that mean? Am I uncomfortable? Because I'm pretty sure God doesn't want us to be comfortable. I'm pretty sure Paul wasn't comfortable while in prison. I'm pretty sure John the Baptist wasn't comfortable living on locust and honey. Comfort is Satan's plan--not Gods. If I am still in the same box, sitting with the same like minded people, not stretching myself to get out of it and meet the tax collectors of this world, then I'm pretty convinced I'm too comfortable. He demands a response.

Do I blame God or do I desire God? Am I living each day, with bitterness because I don't have the life like so and so. Am I tired and weary and taking that out on my family? Look--truth is, life is hard--it is messy. And I sure as I could name many names of those whose life looks better than mine, I could name more whose doesn't. Blaming God for my daily strife--my life-long strife--gets me only as far as that blame will take me. Desiring God--amidst it--well, that takes me to God. Who is bigger than me. Who can help me rise above it--or accept it--or understand it. He demands a response.

Am I really wanting love from God or seeking love from others to fulfill me? Don't get me wrong--having loving relationships is essential. I need it. And I struggle a lot with the feelings of failure in giving and failure in receiving love. But until I stop. Until I say He--He is enough--then it doesn't matter how loved or unloved I may feel by others. Bottom line--those who love me--really love me (like my hubby) will never be enough. And those who "don't" love like I'd hope they would, can not be a thermostat for me to live my life. I know this--so why do I go there? Who fulfills me? He demands a response.

I think I could continue, but it is way late and we have had a LONG week.

Whether you've known God is King for a long time--or are just beginning to understand what that means--remember (as I am trying to) that whatever you chose to do, is a response. Laziness, procrastination, non confrontation out of fear, staying safe, are still responses.

Let's be more real with one another--let's be more real with God. Knowing that Jesus is King demands a response.

Do the Words Mommy and Appreciate Go Together?

2007-10-13T22:25:00.000-05:00

I've heard many moms say that one reason motherhood is hard is because the feeling of being appreciated, or maybe even "loved" by their children is well, rather sparse. Kids are basically on a "needs" based plan--I need it, you get it. I need a drink, I need my diaper changed, I need a new backpack for school, I need you to make cookies for my class, I need.... Sure, it may be followed by a "thank you" once done, but we don't count on it and often times, it may only come with prompting.
I have to admit, that does happen in my home. Maybe more than I realize. But to be completely honest, my kids are really good at helping me feel appreciated. My kids are in the "I'll stick with you club." Granted their benefits are great (they get fed, a bed, and an occasional treasure from Walmart). But, their loyalty it unfailing. When I'm tired, they still try to make me laugh. When I'm sad, they offer me hugs and kisses. When I'm frustrated, they still love me when it subsides. Whether it's Cayden's unsolicited hug and kiss, Kyra's kind words and pictures, or Keagan's "look" of love with a sweet smile, I have to say that I often feel those moments of appreciation.
Granted, I know that my children will continue to grow. And someday, this all will change. They won't "need" me anymore, and therefore, they will invest in different loves and relationships. The way I may or may not feel appreciated, will too, change.
But, I'm choosing to look at my now. I'm choosing to cling to what gift God has given me in this time. Tomorrow, as He says, will worry about itself. And it's when I consider these things that I remember how far a feeling of being appreciated can take you.

BOBOCYCLE

2007-09-12T22:36:00.000-05:00

Bobo came to visit this weekend--decided to make the trip on his motorcycle(which the kids call Bobocylces) despite the great chances of rain. Bobo gave us all rides(mini, safe, and slow rides) on his bike. Cayden, who we had to wake up from a nap so he could have his turn, decided to be cranky instead of cooperative, so his chance will have to wait. But, we had about a 45 minute break in constant heavy rains in which to get it done. We sure miss having grandparents close. Cayden, in fact, has been crying for Bobo for days since. He will wake up much too early in the morning crying for his Bobo. Yesterday, he said, "Bobo hold me," and started crying when I told him Bobo wasn't here. Nice to know you're missed I guess, but sometimes even though great, a weekend is not quite enough....

By the way, if any of you are wondering, you can eat a 64 piece tray of Chick-fil-a nuggets in a short amount of time with only about 3 people participating in the feast. Some might claim they ate about 30 of them himself, but that is simply not true. Whoever claims that decided to begin eating while the more selfless individual was getting meals and such ready for the small children involved in the matter!

Cornheads Forvever!

2007-09-12T22:25:00.000-05:00

No Hog mania here. Hog calls are for the well--hogs. Who eat slops. And have a big fat body and short legs.

The chanting has begun. The kids are being properly brought up. "Go......Big.....Red!" We are cornheads forever! Go HUSKERS!

Micky, and Ariel, and Cinderella, OH MY!

2007-09-12T22:21:00.000-05:00

After a delayed plane ride, a 4:00 a.m."bedtime", and a 9:00 a.m. start, Aunt Tanya, Kyra, and I went into the VERY hot Florida sun to brave through the crowds just for the chance to enjoy the "Disney Experience." Despite the minor inconveniences, i.e., the heat, the discount days for Floridians which made it much busier, and the nearly 45 minute waits to see one princess, we had a great time. I could have stayed much longer than 2 days, and even though Kyra had 14 hours days and was tired, she too, was just beginning to catch the Disney fever. We ate at weird times, had snacks and slushes a lot to cool us off, never napped (although I desperately wanted to), and had no real agenda--except to see as much as we could. What could be better than that? We are very grateful to our "Aunt Tanya" for providing much of what was needed for this experience, and hope to do it up in a BIG way with the boys in the next 3-4 years. Just not in the really hot months! We saw every princess and got to meet almost everyone of them. Kyra got a kick out of the rides, but like her mommy, strayed away from the spinning ones(although I was missing not getting to go on Space Mt.). The performances and parades were awesome, and the fireworks were great. Kyra has been in "Disney World" ever since. If you come over to the house, she will get her photo album out and show you. She just recently took it to her class to show it off. She also announced yesterday that she no longer wants to be a doctor or a singer, but instead, wants to live at Disney World. I'm not so sure about that one, but since I found out in talking to an "off duty" staff member that there are about 80 different people that "play" one princess, I guess they have a big hiring load. I'd feel bad if I didn't mention that Kyra and I have discussed how grateful we are that God provided this trip for us. We know that there are many boys and girls who will never get to see and experience the fun we did over those few days.

Birthday Buzz

2007-08-01T22:39:00.000-05:00

Well, the birthday bees have been busy buzzing around our house. They left us with lots of left-over cake, many new and fun toys to share(and fight over), and many happy memories. We had some of our favorite people join us that day. It was hot. That was good. It didn't rain. That was even better. There were lots of flies. That was bad. There was a "wet cow" smell outside. That was even worse. But, none of those 5 and under type even noticed those things. So, all was well. See the Slide show for pictures!

Check out my Slide Show!

2007-08-01T22:38:00.001-05:00

Entertaining Ryan.

2007-07-19T21:57:00.000-05:00

In between a few 8 hour drives, fireworks, time with grandparents, birthday gifts, a wedding, a family reunion, seeing old friends, getting back to work, and getting ready our next trip there was a night reserved--without us even knowing it--to entertain Ryan.

Our 3 were troopers through all our travels to the Husker state: sleeping in different beds almost every night, being without mommy for part of the time, staying up way later than bedtime many nights. The reentry to "our life" wasn't even that terrible. It was good to see everyone and be "on vacation," but it was also good to be home. A few days later, while still juggling unpacking, laundry, and a garage sale, we spent a evening with some of Mark's friends from college. Sean, Kim and....Ryan. Ryan was on a short trip to the States from Korea, where he calls home.

To know Ryan is to love him. Red hair and all. After dinner, our 3 entertainers decided to show Ryan what he's missing out on stateside. We had a circus! Kyra was the ringmaster. Keagan and Cayden had special dancing acts of their own that included wearing skirts and going around in lots of circles. Other acts put together by the ringmaster included Kim as little red riding hood and daddy as the big bad wolf. And Ryan, well, he was the head of the laughter department. As the finale, we all received our own instruments and marched around the house until we were laughing more than we were walking.

Ryan said it was the best time he'd had in a long time. Apparently, he needs to spend more time at our house. Thanks Ryan for helping me remember how "great" our family is. In reality, we probably need to spend more time with you.

I wish I had pictures (especially of Cayden marching), but we were too busy laughing to take any!

Well Worth It

2007-06-20T22:53:00.000-05:00

I just finished a book. Hold down the fort, folks, Tif just read a book. The lady who works at the library actually read a book! And it wasn't even required!

Now those of you who know me well, know that I actually love to read. However, I don't dare pick up books often, except on a few vacations when my mother-in-law lets me read while she hang out with the kids.

I tried giving myself "outs." Like, I've got 3 kids when do I have time to read? That excuse got blown when one of my friends set a goal of reading 3 books a month and actually achieves it(thanks, Kerri).

So, here's what I figured out. I knew this about myself, but since it had been such a long time since I read (other than "how to such and such" books), I had forgotten. Something happens to me when I read. Almost like a transformation--gremlin like, if you will. I become completely consumed by what I am reading. I want to do nothing else. I think of nothing else. My mannerisms and responses change depending on the mood of the book I'm reading. I'm reading a book at lunch, I'm reading during playtime with the kids, I'm not doing the chores I should be doing because I'm reading a book!

And after it's all over, if it was a good book, I don't really feel to bad about it. So, now I'm trying NOT to read this next book that's staring me in the face saying, "Read me. You will be able to put me down and only read me at appropriate times. You can set boundaries. Read me." I haven't picked it up yet. But, it is due soon and my days are being counted....

The whole point of this little post (or blaa, blaaa, blaa, if you wish) was to endorse the book. I saw it one day at the library--where books really do talk if you listen. I've eyed it for a while before I took the plunge.

Ismael Beah writes a most profound, intense, horrific, and amazing recount of his life as a boy in Sierra Leone during the early 1990's at the height of the war in that country. The book title, "A Long Way Gone," is not for those who want to read about "fluffy" things. Reading about his plight and struggles and torments left me in examination over my life.

Even if you are not into autobiographies, read it. Even if you don't read, read it. Perspective is a great thing to have. And if after reading this book, if you don't stop and have a bit of perspective, then well, maybe I'm just weird.

I'll say this much, I needed a reminder that my life is good. I needed a reminder to be thankful. I needed a reminder that I get too worked up over things that do not really matter. I needed to visit a time and place where staying alive, not enjoying it, was all that life was about.

I believe that we have a God who cares, even when it feels like he doesn't. And even though the author of this book gives no direction to that thought, in the end, I had a hard time NOT seeing how God worked out every detail of his life to lead him to where he is so he might impact others in the way only he has been given.

All of that to say, it was well worth it!

HELP WANTED: Wed/Thurs. evenings, part time!

2007-06-11T22:47:00.000-05:00

I am seeking some part-time help for my family. While I go play "librarian" on Wednesday and Thursday evenings, I leave my family to eat without their "cook". Let's just say Mark's passion is not cooking, and I don't want to keep saying "frozen pizza, hot dogs, or PBJ." My family needs to learn to eat a bit better while I'm away.
If you fit the description of waitress, cook, chef, food lover, compassionate person, casserole guru, etc. PLEASE respond by leaving a helpful MAKE AHEAD recipe for me! Then I can leave it in my fridge with directions for my hubby that say, "Turn oven on. Turn oven to such and such. Set timer. When timer beeps, take out of oven. Eat."
I'm running out of ideas.....and I know some of you have some good ones out there! Speak now! I don't pay much, but I will keep you posted on the outcomes of the meals and the continued craziness of our lives!
Tiffany

Brothers or Bandits....Both!!

2007-05-24T21:31:00.000-05:00

"Mommy, Bebe and I are just being silly," says Keagan who's running out from his room where I've been hearing roaring laughter from my two boys. I love it when the boys are laughing together and having fun instead of fighting, hitting, or screaming at each other. This week, however, they have brought things to whole other level.

I peeked in at the laughter I heard. Keagan was handing Cayden a foamy duckie he had obtained from elsewhere in the house. "Bite it," he said. Cadie, always looking for a good time, of course, did. Keagan brakes into roars....Cadie does too. I can almost see the wheels now spinning in Cayden's little head. They were saying, "Someone thinks I'm funny, someone thinks I'm cool. Must repeat being funny and cool." Another bite. More laughter. After several minutes, the laughter ceases. The two boys come running out of the room, one following the other, on to their next point of interest. Needless to say, the poor duckie did not survive this ordeal and I'm still finding little remains around the house. In my mommy mind I'm thinking, "What's a little duckie compared to sharing funny moments with your brother?" I can spare a duckie or two if it creates some type of brotherhood.

Well, this week the brotherhood has banded-in full force. No longer do I call them brothers--I call them bandits.

The next day their project was going into mommy and daddy's bathroom. They decided to get all of mommy's make-up out and get into Daddy's drawer and eat his deodorant stick. YUM! Keagan, of course did not try this, but I can only bet his was cheering his little bandit bro on as he did. You'd think that might have ended the quest. After having a "taste" of manhood and smelling like a old man for a few hours, you'd think they would learn.

Exit mommy. After a day of that--constantly monitoring as they got all into the kitchen cupboards, craft shelves, etc.--I went for a break.

Enter mommy. I arrived home from Walmart(where there are helpful smiles down every isle, they just might not have all their teeth around here)to a very frustrated daddy. He said, "While I turned my back for a minute the boys...." (Here is where I kind of laugh because Mark thinks he has to give me excuses about not being with them for a minute or two when something happens. And I let him. But, truth be told, I live this, so I know you can't be right there each and every second).

Round 2 went to the bandits(that was, until the spanker arrived). The boys decided they liked the bathroom gig so much, they'd try it again. This time, opening each and every little bottle of makeup, lotion, etc., and squeezing the contents out. I found my deodorant bit to shreds, my facial powder everywhere, chap stick broken and smeared on the floor.

Thus far, they haven't gone back to the bathroom. Well--they did try to today. But mommy's got her boxing gloves on.

This has been they way of our world this week. You really want to laugh. But as it goes, you give an inch to two brothers and they turn into bandits and take a mile!

Tiffany

Our 3 Gems

2007-05-08T22:54:00.000-05:00

Kyra, Keagan, and Cayden.
It's usually this time of night when I can sit down and say, "Wow, my kids are cool." Then I go in their rooms and peak in on them and smile at their sweet sleeping faces. The rest of the 24 hours of our lives is full of movement, noise, and a lot of chaos. Much of those moments I feel like I'm just trying to not be the "mean mommy" or the "got to have it all together mommy." Instead I'm trying to remind myself to learn, play and experience joy as a family via the lens of a 1 1/2 , 2 1/2, and 41/2 year old. Mark and I are compelling each other in this direction, but sometimes we are like two rocks in an ocean who are trying to keep each other a float. I decided to start this fun little spot because I like many of the things it allows. I like to write (I'm much better via text than in front of your face), I like that I can keep better track of what our 3 gems are learning, saying, and doing, and I like that it offers an outlet for me to keep family and friends updated on our adventures so I don't have to feel guilty about not being better about that!Since moving to Arkansas has been a really hard and good type of experience, I liken it to my blog title, "A needle in a Haystack." It has, in many ways, been that for me. And as I remind myself to make a daily effort to find that needle in the haystack, I am finding that God always has one for me to find, and cherish. So, I hope too that this spot of mine(ours), will at times be that needle in the haystack for you too. If nothing else, at least you can see (0nce I figure out how to do all this) picture of our cuties!
Here's to blogging,
Tiffany